Being a mom, of any kind is hard. Today, I want to share 5 things that every bonus mom needs to hear.
What is a bonus mom?
A bonus mom is a mom who didn’t birth the children that she is raising. This can be in the form of adoption or as parenting a child of a spouse.
If your not a bonus mom, I bet there will be some things that you will relate to as well. Maybe you know a bonus mom who needs some encouragement and maybe this will help you relate to her a little better.
As a child, the one job I always wanted was to be a mother.
However, several years ago, I found out that I struggled with infertility. I thought my dreams of being a mom were gone. Yet, about 3 years later, I was blessed with a wonderful husband, who was a widow. He had three beautiful children and I become a bonus mom. That is a fancy way of saying I was a step mom but really, when we look at it, we think it is a bonus for our kids. They have had two great moms in there life. Now, we are in the process of adoption and so, yet again, I will be a bonus mom.
You are a bonus to your child. They are so blessed to have you. However, I know some days are hard. They have every bit of your heart – but they still have someone else’s eyes and hair.
As a bonus mom, we get our children in lots of different ways. Adoption, divorce, or the loss of a parent. However, that doesn’t change the commitment we have made to them: to love them, to teach them, and to train them to love the Lord.
Yet, through all of this, there are some things that you need to hear…
5 Things a Bonus Mom Needs to Hear
First, remember that you are in this child’s life for a purpose.
God has chosen you to be in this child’s life. No matter how much or how little, you have been chosen to help guide and direct this child. If God calls you to it, He will give you the grace and the strength to get through each trial.
Second, don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
I know how hard this is. As a mom to a widow, I always wonder if I am doing things as good as my husbands late wife would do. I wonder if I am making the right choices. If the children are turning out the way she would have wanted them to. Then, I am reminded that I am the woman God has chosen to be the mom in their lives for this season, and I don’t need to compare myself to anyone- including their “mommy in heaven”. She was a wonderful woman – but so am I.
Third, YOU are the woman for the job!
YOU yes YOU! Being a mother, no matter how you got the title, or what goes before it, is one of the highest callings on Earth! Children are a gift from the Lord, and so your children are again, a gift for you! So, treat your children as a gift, and remember that you are called to one of God’s highest callings- motherhood. YOU. ARE. A. MOM!
Fourth, pull on your support system.
Remember, these kids have been through something that is HARD – no matter how they came into your home. So, rely on the support system, and the familar things that they are used to. These things will give the children the security they need in order to learn about you! Just as you are learning how to mother- they are learning how to be with you! Take cues from your spouse, grandparents, and others who have known the children longer.
Fifth, get in and know their hearts.
Study them. Spend time with each one individually, They have to know that you love THEM for who they are. Find ways that you are like them – or things you can connect on. These are the things that will bring that bond between you, and establish that relationship. It will build trust. Remember that it takes time to build these relationships – but they are beautiful.
Bonus Mom, you are doing a great job!!
Give yourself grace, because you are learning, and so are the children.
You are not alone. Your children are blessed to have you as their bonus mom!