Growing up I was one of the most outgoing young ladies you’d have ever met. I loved being around people, running projects and ministries, organizing meetings, etc. I lived for being around people. Then, I got married, (the second time), to a long time bachelor and found myself in a quandary. My husband enjoyed being alone more than spending time with me pretty often. He wanted to sit and watch TV alone after the kids went to bed and he slept on the couch 99.9% of the time. I spent countless nights (and days!) wondering why he had asked me to marry him in the first place? Before marriage, we enjoyed spending time together, but after we said “I do”, he didn’t seem to want to continue building our relationship. I was so confused.
I did my absolute best to do everything right, I made the meals he really liked, kept the house clean, ensured the kids were quiet when he was asleep, did my hair and makeup on days he was at home, etc. Still, he wanted to spend more time alone than he did with me. My thoughts began to spiral downward…so my life began to spiral downward. I didn’t see an end to it and couldn’t fix it. So, I tried to drink it away. If he wanted to be alone, I decided to let him be alone and night after night I walked away after putting the kids to bed…with a bottle in hand.
There is Always Hope for the Wife Whose Husband Enjoys Being Alone
Fast forward what feels like someone’s entire life and you’ll find us loving and living, married for 10, almost 11 years. I never wanted him to be away, nor did I want to have time alone to myself, but now I enjoy my quiet evenings writing, reading or streaming Gilmore Girls or When Calls the Heart on Netflix. He never wanted me to be home full time, nor did he want to talk to me on the phone several times throughout the day, but now I’m a stay at home mom and when gone to visit family for 3 weeks he misses me and wishes I could come home early.
My marriage isn’t perfect and we don’t have as much time together as I would like, but I have learned to love life just as it is. I am content and happy with my quiet evenings, that is when I can pour my heart into writing or live vicariously through the lives of those on pages or in the movies.
Being married to a long time bachelor who loves his alone time isn’t all that bad. It gives me time to be me. I have time to become my own person without worrying about laundry, dishes or work. I can grow, becoming the woman that God planned for me to be. That is by far the greatest gift in this part of my life story. If I had not had my evenings alone, I would not have become a writer or a full-time blogger.
If you are like me and find yourself wondering why your husband doesn’t want to spend all (or any!) of his evenings with you, take advantage of that time! It can be the greatest gift if you look at it that way! Find your passion and pursue it! The sky is the limit! Dream big and see where God will take you!