I am a workaholic. From the time I could walk good my dad had be working with him doing all kinds of crazy tasks. I learned very quickly that hard work pays off and that people like it when you work hard. When I got old enough it felt so liberating to hold my workers permit in my hand and it didn’t take long and I was working earning money. And I was hooked!! It wasn’t that the money drove me to work it was the freedom that I was able to provide the things I needed without having to ask and it was the look of satisfaction that came from hearing people say “Bridget is a hard worker”. Yep I loved it and I still do.
When I started staying home full time I about went crazy. Not because I had nothing to do.Instead it was because longer did I hear those words because well I was doing what was expected of me and let’s be real our husbands don’t see half of what we do. The workaholic in me was screaming to be recognized. Funny thing when that happens we start volunteering to do all kinds of things. People wondered how in the world I get it all done and when do I find time to relax. The fact of the matter is I don’t. I loath sitting idle with nothing to do. I find it a complete waste of my time. ( Not that I believe no one should rest this is just for my own personal self).
What others can’t see however about a workaholic is that they desire to rest they just can’t. Their relationships suffer because they pile so much on themselves because of their inability to say no that they slowly become a shell of a person that they once could have been and become a robotic like human who’s only desire is to simply work and stay busy. 9 times out of 10 they have husbands who are begging them to slow down, they have kids who just want a mom who is like all the other moms they see who have free time and don’t have to follow a strict schedule and they have a long line of friendships that solely are there because they want to tap into the workaholic’s need to please. Of course workaholics have great friends as well. Those who tell them to slow down, those who force them to slow down and those who will listen to them work out their endless lists without judgement and then encourage them to trim that list down some.
So how does a workaholic find the perfect balance?
It’s not that a workaholic such as myself doesn’t want to find a perfect balance – it is that we struggle to. We have so much piled on us that we are afraid to let one thing slide a little bit because we will lose all control of everything. Inside as a workaholic I am screaming to slow down and yet I know that it will not happen until I am forced to. This is what hurts the most about being a workaholic. For myself I know I need to change and yet I also know it is not something I can do alone. It is my character flaw that I must change about myself. One that is not causing me to beg for grace from others but more so I have to accept grace from myself.
In order to do so we need to find those friends who expect nothing more from us then conversation. We need a husband (if you are married) who is willing to remove us from the distractions of work and force us to simply be in the moment and we need to no longer view ourselves as work horses. We need to instead replace that view of ourselves with simple reminders that we are loved not because we are great workers but because we are a great person in general.
I have a long journey to lessen my load. I have an even longer journey to accept myself as a person who does not have to always do for others but simply be there for others. If you are a struggling workaholic who is currently struggling with your placement know that you are not alone. In fact you are joined by millions of us. Together we can find that balance. We must find that balance.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,